When i was younger i used to think how my parents had very few friends who seemed to stay around long enough. As until now, i know that my mom has not more than 2 close friends who are colleague from work. They sometimes go out, but to run errands for festive reasons and other times, to have fun in the name of work when they have to travel to different district. But they seem oddly in a mature state of friendship which are barely touched in emotional level (i suppose).
As i was growing up, i found it difficult to make friends. I was shy and i was changing school quiet often. Not until year 2 i was able to make friends which was only possible because we stopped changing school. After the completion of middle school i ended up with 2 friends who stuck with me and was always in touch. Distance was a problem but talking on phone or chatting was the way we stayed connected. After heading to different high schools, we faded but still in touch where their hello sounded like home to me.
Then after i could not make any friends who would stick around too long. Until class ended, until home works existed, until exams existed, they were there and then they disappeared. I could not understand it well enough but it felt like i was lonely again. It was not until i decided to have an abroad study that i felt the loneliest. There was no one i knew there. But then i met people and it seemed like i would be fine. Year after year we made memories, we changed, we learned each other’s flaws, learned to appreciate it, adjust with it and go on. For once, i thought i had friends for life.
One way or the other, it hit me. I came to understand that not everyone genuinely wants to be your friend. Not everyone will think of your well being as you do of them. Now i understand why adult have very few friends and why most of them are superficial relationship. Now i know why not every adult trusts any stranger in the first meeting. Its because they have been stabbed by someone they have trusted and abandoned after their motive has been met.
I remember asking her why she did not have many friends to which she answered, ‘ You’ll know when you are older’. And now i do.
Because who is a friend if they are never there when you are at your worse and is always there when u are at your best. Who is to be called a friend who does not even ask if your family is in difficult situation or support you if you need someone to lean on. Why would you even make a friend that would only be there in your happiest time and leave you to cry alone. Even stranger are willing to lend a shoulder if they see you cry.
We start losing friends as we grow up because we learn why they were knocking on the door in the first place. We learn that heart does not always break because of love, it also breaks because of friendship.